We’ve got no way of knowing how much Trump will accomplish in his second term, but he is off to a really fun start.

His reasoning seems clear enough. There is not going to be a quick solution to the conflict in Ukraine; the US economy will waddle on at a leisurely pace; even the fight against migrants is unlikely to end up in a resounding victory.

So instead, Trump has decided to ‘reshape’ the world. That’s right – he wants to redraw the political map in his own style. A new, vibrant and colorful globe to replace the dull and gray old one. All of his plans are over the top and eccentric – and totally unworkable.

This is what he’s got in mind:

1. First, the ‘super-sizing’ of America: we start by taking the backwater countryside called Canada (why not? It will make for a nice and big US state, plus the whole continent would belong to the Yankees now); then seize Greenland from Denmark (don’t exactly know what it is, but they’ve got plenty of land).

2. Renaming the Gulf of Mexico (for no particular reason; just because the US is the biggest kid on the block; also, the current name makes people think about the Latino population).

3. Weaponizing Elon Musk and using him to take down ‘rapist Starmer’ and ‘fool Scholz’ on X. A simple plan, and at zero cost: “Just show them who is the boss of this house”.

Better yet, why not add the UK itself to America’s potpourri list of territorial claims?
This way, before he is even sworn in as the new president of the United States, Donald Trump has scored several major victories online. And, most importantly, he has formulated his own agenda on a cosmic scale. And, to quote one of Mikhail Bulgakov’s characters, of ‘’quite cosmic stupidity’’. But this is only a surface level analysis because eventually, as we all know, stupidity always triumphs. So it’s irrelevant that none of the designs outlined above can actually be realized. Not now, not ever. It is irrelevant that the silly nicknames given by the Americans to their inept European lackeys will fade from memory within a week. What matters is that the last few days of the dementia-riddled old man’s stay in the Oval Office are following the script conjured up by the orange wizard, Donald Trump.

Anyway, the newly formed Trump, Musk and Sci-fi Brothers LLC, has its operations up and running.